counting crows

The Counting Crows have been at the top of my list for bands to see for ages.

I've memorized almost all their songs religiously over the past fifteen years or so. A guy touring our studio told us they were playing at the not-so-glamorous Muskegon Summer Celebration on Tuesday, so we bought comp tickets on Craigslist and joined the carnival (literally) last night.

These guys are spot on, seasoned, eloquent musicians. The music was amazing.

When I was learning to play guitar and the Crows' music, I'd daydream about writing a letter to lead singer Adam Duritz about faith. His lyrics speak of a crumbling life, over and over again, searching for short term remedies. I identified with his sorrowful musings for periods of my formative years. Then I'd dream of what he'd sing about if he met God.

After researching the world of Wiki, I discovered Adam suffers from "a dissociative disorder, which makes the world seem like it's not real." How sad.

Last night, while intoxicated medleys of non-fans poured back beers and devoured cigarettes, enjoying noisy conversations while Adam was trying to explain his next song, I was able to zero in on one point. This, a paraphrase of Adam, of course:

"Being a musician, you have the ability to focus on one thing at the exclusion of everything else. Which is cool, because that's where great music comes froms," Adam begins.

"The only problem is that you focus on one thing at the exclusion of everything else," he adds.

It's as if he was holding his heart in his hands on stage. The dreadlocked rock star, whose "slept with movie stars," trekked around the world with money and fame, questioning everything he hasn't experienced in a more traditional path.

"But on the other hand, you get to be a rock star, so it's a toss up," he said, laughing a bit, triggering the band to move into the next song.

On top of it, there was a Detroit Red Wings player to the right of us in the crowd. When someone figured it out, an avalanche of people started asking him for autographs and photos, while the guy was just looking to listen to the Crows and drink a beer.

All across the world, we prey on people's fame and lust for things we can't have, yet where we're often shortsighted, is all the meaning we do possess.

twitter

Yes, I gave in, I'm twittering.

At least I'm trying to rhyme them all.

suspended

Last night, after over two months of rigorous house hunting, we suspended the search until post-honeymoon.

This was a difficult choice for me to submit to, finding myself acting in ways I never intended when my old landlord brought up a cheap little property in April, while Em was in Zimbabwe.

Since them, I've spent countless hours online continuously searching and calculating and trying to dig up dead properties, creeping around neighborhoods in the '98 Saturn,* walking around abandoned houses, peeking in windows, having numerous discussions (ahem, sometimes fights) with Em and our agent, and operating with a general sense of urgency that we need a house, we need the incentives, that our entire financial future is resting on this transaction.

Which is, of course, all untrue.

Finally, through the grace and vision and persistence of my lovely wife to be, I've recognized it's not worth the relational strain, the lost focus at work, the lack of trust in God.

What I intended to be a lighthearted journey toward something good (a home helps foster family, security, warmth, shelter, responsibility, investment, friendship, community, etc.), it morphed into a number of destructive problems and conflicts that are embarrassing to admit, among the most serious, broken promises and a sense that I'm in control.

But last night, it was clear we've reached the end of the road for now.

We typed out a formal email message to our agent, who has put an extraordinary amount of work into helping us out. But today, we're walking toward our wedding without the weight that goes along with the search, with a renewed focus that our spiritual vitality and upcoming marriage must trump money, or any brick and mortar structure, as well as some difficult, but valuable life lessons and take-aways from this trying experience.

It's also interesting to see our good friends and mentors Jeremy and Julie recently posted on "Trusting God," on their 2+ year search for employment. They're also house-hunting and had a similar * recently. Check it out for further perspective.
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*In addition to the white smoke cloud I've sprayed onto many pedestrians while house hunting, the Saturn's most valuable asset was stolen yesterday in broad daylight in our city parking lot. The CD player is gone. When I called the lot to report it, there was no shock and awe, they chalk these up to kids or drug dealers looking to sell something. I'm far more disappointed in myself for not fixing the locks, yet it was the first day in a month I've even had the face on the player.

My bad, but stealing sucks.

american idols

I really enjoy watching the NFL and the Minnesota Vikings. 

But I really dislike how sports stars seem to be getting off the hook for everything. 

This story caught my eye, how a man will spend the next 3 years in prison for stealing Lance Armstrong's bike. However, how does that stack up to the receiver from the Cleveland Browns, who got only 30 days in jail for killing a pedestrian while drunk driving?

Or Plaxico, who will likely spend zero time in jail and be playing in the NFL next season after possessing an illegal gun and shooting himself in the leg in a NYC nightclub? 

This is the justice system in the U.S.? 

None of this behavior should be celebrated, but neither should the famous run free.

the house

Yesterday afternoon, we found out we lost the bid on the house. We may have come in second place, which leaves a sliver of hope, but the tension is over, it's time to move on. 

There were a couple nights spent staring at the ceiling, dreaming up paint colors and working through the financials if it did happen, but it didn't, and there will be others. I talked to a couple who bid on five houses in three months before finding the one, while another couple bid on three unsuccessfully and left the market. 

However, Emily and I did find a great apartment on a month-to-month basis that she'll be moving into this weekend. We are grateful for that. If you want to lend a hand, let me know, it'll go down on Sunday afternoon at around 2 p.m.

house update

The bank received fourteen offers on the home we bid on.

In this economic climate (in Michigan, nonetheless) and home market, this many offers on a property is almost unheard of.

Stay tuned; thanks for the prayers

half dome

Let it be known: I was shaking furiously on the edge of this cliff at Half Dome. 

house

Em and I put a bid on a great house tonight. Pray.

mustard seeds, mountains (not my own)

Yesterday, after returning from a long, stressful, yet good day of work, Electric Emily was waiting in my driveway behind the house, walking a red mountain bike.

"She did it again," was my initial response driving up, living as the resident recipient of her generosity many times over, including a recent fast Fuji road bike via Craigslist a few weeks ago.

In the wake of my mountain bike being mangled after falling off a car rack at 70 mph last month (no injuries), I was bike less. Now, one month later, I have two. I've paid $0 for both bikes.

"You have a mountain bike!" she said, excitedly (of course), as I look at her confused (of course).

"It's from someone anonymous," she added.

"Who?" I say, of course, over and over.

"I promised I wouldn't tell," she says, not budging. "But I've been praying for it, and here it is."

With a quick spin around the driveway, I noticed new features missing from my mountain bike (even before the accident): working breaks, working gears, light weight!

With the busyness of reentry into GR life since California, I haven't really processed this episode of grace, but I'm thankful, awestruck, dumbfounded and humbled when this stuff happens.

It'll be especially useful when Justin and Kelsey move to Grand Rapids next month. (Justin is my brother, and my sister-in-law Kelsey accepted a year-long term with Americorp downtown. We're excited about that development).

Thanks, friend, whoever and whenever you are.

life update

My beautiful bride-to-be Emily booked a trip for us to California that we're now enjoying. We're in the vicinity of Santa Cruz, recovering from a wild week leading up to the trip, and prepared for the adventures ahead.

Today we're heading on a hike to Big Sur, driving down Highway 1 with the top down. 

On Sunday night we're off to Yosemite for a couple days of hiking and camping (and no cell phones or email). I've avoided looking at photos, so I can experience it firsthand myself. 

On the wedding planning side, Emily and her family have been collective saints, taking care of the details and putting everything in its right place. Invitations are out, the ceremony is taking shape, and the honeymoon is booked in Cabo!

Life is good, work is difficult but promising, Emily is excited for her new Young Life job to begin after the wedding, and we're still keeping our eyes open for a house. CNN recently reported that GR is the fourth most affordable city in the nation, on top of the tax incentives and market realities, now is a good time to buy in the mitten state. 

(For more spiritual reading, check out my mentor and friend Jeremy's blog. They recently moved to St. Louis, where their car was stolen, and he had some interesting and mature thoughts on the experience.) 

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new story and songs

Click here for a new feature story about studios in GR. It mentions Courier and has some cool photos of our studio.

On Courier's MySpace, we uploaded new songs "Ego Falling" and "Stay Strong." They're recent recordings, and the first songs I've written that have been recorded as a full band. To clarify, Dan is our lead singer, I'm doing a bit of back-up, and no, we're not blood-related.